08 August 2008

Guest Blog: Janna Tacker on Billy Bob

As mentioned from an earlier post, Janna has graciously lent her writing/blogging skills to my blog about her wonderful meeting with Billy Bob. Janna, like myself, is a wonderful writer. You will find her work hilarious and poignant. Two notes before reading:

1. Janna mentions that I am "lame" for not attending. I want to stand up for myself by saying that I am working hard for the money and had to watch the first half of the finale of So you think you can dance.
2. Billy Bob likes Bud Light. Enough said.

"Being the celeb stalker that I am, as soon as found out that Billy Bob Thornton and his band the Boxmasters were playing in Memphis at the Hi Tone on Wednesday night, I knew that by the end of the night I would be in the front row becoming BFFs with Billy Bob. Side note: For those of you who are unfamiliar with Memphis, the Hi Tone is a bar no bigger than cool beans( I have no doubt that everyone reading this knows the inside of coolbeans). So my sister, brother-in-law, and myself (Mollie was too lame to go) set off for the Hi Tone on Wednesday for a night of good hillbilly fun. Upon arriving at the venue, I realized that it really was going to be a night of hillybilly fun because about 85% of the crowd consisted of drunk rednecks above the age of 40. After scanning the crowd, I immediately knew that Billy Bob would obviously prefer my sister and myself to be in the front row not only because we are cute but for the simple fact that we have teeth unlike many of the diehard fans. After shoving people out of the way ( I show no mercy when it comes to seeing celebs), I situated myself pretty close to the stage. The drunkards in the very front were dropping like flies having to go the bathroom, bar, smoke break, etc. I soon found myself right below Billy Bob's microphone, and I was quite pleased. Of course I, like many others, had no idea that Billy Bob was even in a band until about 10 hours before the concert, so I wasn't going to be able to impress him by knowing every single word to all of his songs ( damn it!); I still had my teeth going for me though. When Billy Bob finally came out, the first thing he did was light up a good ole Marlboro and drop a few f bombs( see picture). I was pleasantly surprised to find out that his songs were really good, sort of a country slash 60s feel; He says he was inspired by artists such as Johnny Cash and the Beatles, so I guess that makes sense. Billy Bob was definitely entertaining and exactly what you expect him to be like; a lot cussing, drinking, chain smoking. Oh, and his beer of choice was Bud Light. About half way through the performance my moment came, I shook Billy Bob Thornton's hand, told him I loved him, and he winked at me. I thought this was definitely the highlight of the performance until he asked the crazy two-teeth redneck ( not kidding about the teeth) next to me where her husband was and then he planted a big fat kiss right on her lips. Needless to say, that lady can die happy now; she screamed constantly for the next 30 minutes. I do think she wanted a little more than a kiss though, if you know what I mean. Sorry I didn't capture this moment on camera, I was too in shock to even lift my finger to push the button on my camera. Overall, the concert was one of the most entertaining I have ever been to and I would definitely recommend seeing Billy Bob and The Boxmasters or buying their CD. I will leave you with this: Billy Bob is my hero. He makes chain smoking, being alarmingly skinny, wearing sleeveless shirts, and being a redneck fashionable and fabulous. If only all of the hillbillies in Tennessee could learn from his example.

I forgot to mention that I was hit on by someone from a Memphis news station during the concert. His pick up line was quote: "That's smart that you wear your purse on your shoulder". UHHHH?? WTF? What an idiot. In order to protect the viewing audience; the news channel will remain anonymous."

Thanks Miss Tacker, keep up the blogging skills. Janna will be peridoically appearing in columns talking about her fabulous life. Which believe me, is just as fabulous as mine.

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